2.       Risqué sense of humor: Since Kemcolians take pride in being Kemcolians, somehow they need to communicate it to the outer world that they are the protagonist of the show, crème-de-la-crème of the nation. And what method they choose it to flaunt? Of all the possibilities, ribald sense of humor. Infact I want to open up thesaurus right now to draft up a whole list of vocabulary to give them a topon ki salami! So here goes… Lascivious, licentious, prurient, indecorous, smutty, salacious. Need I say more? *straightens the collar totally smitten with her high intellect*

3.       Steel will and iron determination:  Kemcolians are steel-willed and determined like an iron rod! They got their preliminary schooling at Ittefaq Foundary. If they will, teacher can teach them, if they won’t, teacher can not. One dictum that is prevalent without question!

4.       Stand their ground against pigeons: since times immemorial, Pigeons and Kemcolians have co-existed, albeit with mutual animosity that is reciprocated equally on either sides, for years and years. Neither of them is about to give up. In advancement of their struggle against pigeons, kemcolians introduce their own “Pigeony theory of equal effectual representation”. Now they are found  littering the campus with their own litter as much the pigeon is utilizing its poop. Way to go buddies, woo-hoo!

5.       Are absurdly rose-eyed: when on campus the dialogues are like:

“yaaar kidhar phans gae hain!”

“hey yar have you heard the package at BNU and LUMS? It comes with girls with skinny jeans and T-SHIRTS! Not long frocks!”

“I wish I were in one of *those* institutions.”

When at home:

“O baita I hear you are in KE now” (Amma’s colleague)

“Yes I am”

“I heard KE’s standard really low now. Why did you go there?”

Dhuz-dha-dhish-thaa-thish-dazooom!

Moral of the story, no one messes around with our KE except we :D

6.       Have GIT like dinosaurs: “Lakkar-hazam, Pathar-hazam”! Heard about it anyone? Who can eat a bun-makhan-shami of Al-karim daily, top it with main course of vegetable patties, gulp it all down with lemonade and then take a gola for dessert. Kemcolians are the line of evolution who have retained the GIT from dino ancestors. Lakkar-hazam, Pathar-hazam!

7.       Have megaphones for larynx: No matter how hard it is tried to discern, but the structure of Kemcolians’ voice box is yet a myth. Research has been done on khotay ka Larynx and structural homologies have been found between the two larynxes, but yet some structures are even not possessed by khotas’, but Kemcolians’ do have! Physicist have now  been called in on the pretext that megaphones may have something to do with their unnaturally loud voices. Research continues, and is a point of active dissention.

8.       Sense of Humor, aaalaa! Yes Kemcolians laugh, and a mighty laugh that is. The statement has been issued by me in order to apprise any non-kemcolian reading this, for we know about ourselves quite too much! Imagine this scenario: “A professor who is a DR. JEKYLL in the class but becomes MR. HYDE in the viva is telling an anecdote he loves to recollect in every session that passes. Just as he is about to throw his punch line expecting tumultuous cheers, someone from the class will take the words out of his mouth, give them their own idea of humorous and throw it to the humor-starved-vultures of the class. Voila! Tumultuous square cheers are received!”

Not worrying about the utterly high risk predicament they are putting themselves in, they show their phenomenal and spectacular sense of humor. They are not afraid of it, and I absolutely love that about them.

9.       Speed, agility, said again SPEED! Ever seen a kemcolian scribbling away in an exam? Think that is the ultimate rendition of their speed and agility, then sweetness you have seen nothing! See them when typing utterly stupid comments on friends’ status updates and photos. The speed has been purportedly reported to exceed 150 WPM! Woo-hoo!

2.       Efficiency-yaar mere mein to inteha hai efficiency ki! I hate those who:

When the notification have been given that wards are off after 10:15 go to their wards to ask them that will there be a class. Ward walas: Oh no you nincompoop there won’t be a class because there is a notification, but since you are here so says aloud “baita hum to idhar class lene hi baithay hain, ap aa jaen class kr lete hain!”

Attended ward, attendance marked, others absent, make all these schnooks stand in a line GOTTA TRY MY NEW PLUTONIUM ENRICHED BOMB ON THEM!

3.       AC freaks: Y U NO SEEN AN AC IN YOUR LIFE? Why the Kemcolians have to behave as if they have never seen an AC in their life and the only chance they will ever get of knowing an AC upclose will be in the lecture theatre? The way you push, pull, scream, trample toes, pinch arms and poke eyes, it belies the lack of AC-ification in your homes, nothing else.

4.       Khaba khappay! Whenever Kemcolians are around, Khaba Khapay! Enough said.

5.       Liar! Liar! Pants on fire! Will tell you have  not studied a word before the test and/or exam. What were you doing? Teaching zulu tribes how to be ballerinas?  Idiots.

6.       Fraternizing with the opposite sex: What is the science behind two boys and six girls sitting together on zero-point. “Because we are the coolest girls, and these two boys are the cutest ones in our class so we allow them to stand infront of us Majestys.” What is the science behind a boy and a girl sitting in patiala ground making sketch books together. Does it help make more colourful strokes out or gives more inspiration? “No we just have to show to our seniors that we are cool kids who sit together unlike them.” Sonnies, this is not your kamal, good for you Sir Akram and Maam Attiya no more here at KE.

7.       “I am very photogenic so I should be in every group photo!” What is a girl who has never lifted any weights doing in the group photo of body-building club? “I have been lifting Bailey in one hand and Davidson in other.” What is a boy who knows not how to speak doing in a Debating Society group photo? “I answered all my viva questions in this prof so I deserve to stand with the home of the fearless!” What is the person who does not know direct from indirect narration doing standing in Kels English group photo? “I am so photogenic that I impart beauty to these eggheads pic!”

8.       The hygiene experts: I hate those kemcolians who after doing dissection or examining patients, without washing hands will put their hands in your wavy pack and get their undue share. Someone tell them that they have to straighten out the kinks in their sense of hygiene!

9.       The haw-hae-us-wali-cupboard-ki-to-maine-spotting-nai-ki group: To clarify this point, I will narrate an incident. Our stage of Thorax was here and everyone was busy doing spotting. There was this “girl” I won’t name, standing on a model and asked me what the particular structure was. I said Internal Thoracic Nerve shaid. She asked why? I said “jaga to woi wali lagti hai that’s why”. Now this girl wanted me to remain standing there because she was interested in a verbal match on is-it-or-is-it-not-INTERNAL THORACIC NERVE. I went in DH, spent half an hour talking around and blah-blah-ing. On my way out I happened to pass by the same cupboard, the same girl was there over the same model with Netter and Mc Minn’s open in her hand and said, “I think you were right, this is ITN!” Let me tell you they are the same group of people who cry “haw hae us wali cupboard ki to maine spotting ki hi nai!”. Yes moron you were busy deciding the identity of ITN that’s why!

10.   The treat demanders: Kemcolians go berserk when you get something as remote as a nose prick.

“Awww you got a nose pin! TREAT!”

“You passed substage! TREAT!”

“You got 5 marks less than third in stage! TREAT!”

“You spoke in interclass declamation? TREAT!”

“You discovered your lost safety pin! TREAT!”

“Pigeon pooped on you! TREAT to banti hai yaawr!”