My First Day at KEMU(of sorts)- Part 1
By Zara Naveed of First year
The first day I came to KEMU,I promptly went back. Why, you wonder? Trained to jump to the worst conclusions after all those years in this paranoid place, you may ask, "Was I suffering from a form of brain rot so severe, t he professors hastily sent me packing? "Or was I picked out by Sir Azhar and sent to Kakool for some real time "commando action"? No. I just happened to be in the wrong place at the right time, or maybe even at the right place at the wrong time(trust me, the sequence doesn't matter in this case).And okay, I'll stop talking in riddles.
I'll start at the beginning (Where else to start from?).
It was a bright, sunny morning. The cocks were crowing, the crows were wheezing. And the sparrows? Having epileptic fits. "So all is well", I thought sleepily. I waited for the van to come and whisk me off to college. I was excited, ready to face another year head-on! Gormless fool that I was, I was "actually" excited to start my F.Sc years(I was just going to start first year).My neighbour's dog Coco Joopo was munching on his master's banana tree .It was the same tree Mr.Neighbour sought to protect from every living thing(namely parrots,slugs,locusts and his wife) .
"What a Platonic animal!",I thought.Vegetarian and health conscious to boot, eating that high-calorie, high-fibre stuff. And finally(yes finally!) it dawned on me...that something was definitely wrong!I bent down and picked up...A ONE-LEAVED CLOVER! Okay..What's wrong? Had I landed in some other dimension in space?Dogs eating bananas?Was "I" going bananas ? "No, that's impossible!", I thought sagely, "Must be the Global warming. Or maybe the Earth's stopped spinning".In those days,you see, I was very confident about my sanity.
Lost in rumination, I didn't see the van till it lurched quite close to the pavement and destroyed that ill-fated banana tree.
The van driver motioned at me to get into the van, pronto! With all the self-consciousness of a newbie, I peered shiftily to look at the girl to my left. A grim mouth, frowning forehead, eyes with blood-shot sclera (that's how Kemcolians look at Prof-time, but I didn't know that , ofcourse).I tried to smile at her. No response. So I proceeded to look ahead, an enthusiastic smile still plastered on my face. I don't believe how naive I was, sitting in that van and smiling soppily. Must have been the optimism of youth....
The van stopped after some time. I blinked. My mouth fell open. What did I see? A road full of potholes. A decrepit building ,painted in the government's signature maroon colour(why do they keep using that maroon paint?It's so passe').This place-whatever it was-was DEFINITELY not my college. I was still lost in these thoughts, when someone jolted me back to Earth.
"Do you want to get off or not?", my-companion-with-the countenance-of-a-drenched-dish-rag asked.
"Sure.Why not? I should. I mean, why wait?", I mumbled, trying to get the water out of my brain.
"So...why don't you?!", She-with-the-haggard-look almost shouted.
With my Cochlea still ringing with those high decibels, my auditory nerve finally got me into action.
"What exactly is this place?" I asked.
Now it was her turn to hang open her mouth. Clearly doubting the state of my mental health, the-one-on-the-verge-of-a-fit made the following pronouncement:
"This PERIOD is PERIOD King PERIOD Edward PERIOD Medical PERIOD University!"
"Right! Ofcourse!" I dashed out of the van to escape from the barrage of those sarcastic words. So I WAS right! I had trundled into another dimension!
How on earth had I landed into KEMU when I had set, this very morning, for my college-my F.Sc college! Hmmm.....something mysterious was afoot. Maybe I had inadvertently become a part of some gross conspiracy plot. I suspected the government. Come to think of it, I HAD seen the picture of that van driver in the wanted list, hadn't I?
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