The strange thing is, our happiness doesn’t last forever. Well, truth be told, nothing does. But even the existence of our source of joy is sometimes hard to comprehend. Looking back, we reminiscence of all the great times that we ever had; that one news that made us jump up and down with ecstasy; that one particular surprise that our friends threw our way that unexpectedly made our day; that one exam we finally managed to live through; that one get-together that gave us the chance to laugh our heads off at familiar jokes with some old faces. Yes, we remember those moments very well, but somehow, the feelings that went with them are so strangely disconnected with our present that we find ourselves wondering disbelievingly about those little moments we lived. Some fragments from Utopia they might seem.
And yet, its those sad times we suffered from that stand out most vividly in our memories. We can relate with that pain given any hour, any time, any day. Yes, those moments of anxiety, grief and heart-break truly have the ability to crush us even years later. Somehow, that sorrow becomes etched into our very being, and this time it’s the emotions that you very well remember. It is like an unwanted burden. Even the joyful moments we muse over are immediately followed by a shear longing and we find ourselves wistfully sighing over them. The downfalls, aches and losses seem to be up our sleeves almost always. We bury our loneliness by engulfing ourselves with the light of today but often our dark fights to surface. Our present is persistently accompanied by a looming dark.
So it’s a constant struggle between the optimist and the pessimist within us. Its the fight that keeps us going. It’s the battle that lets us live another day. Its that tiny courageous voice that urges us to move forwards despite our wounds. Its that will that forces us to drown our misery one more time, but not letting ourselves sink with it. Its that sight that forces us to see the silver lining, shun the dark and grab on to our joyous moments, howsoever far-fetched they might seem. Its that humility that enables us to count our blessings and just be happy.. with whatever we have, or had. Its that resolve that allows us to come to term with ourselves, and then strive to become better.
A struggle it is. Between our lights and our darks.