Dilemmas & a Choice
There are people ... more than just two kinds of them:
Those who know better for themselves
Those who know the best for others
And then there are those like me…
Perhaps if my life were a season, it would be titled
“DILEMMAS OF A DRAMA QUEEN” (exaggerated much)
Though you won’t see me running around squeaking how my
clothes have gotten tighter recently or how the toasts for my breakfast got
over-toasted… you won’t find me crying about how short my attendance has got
(yet, once again), how I barely managed to pass this time around or about
missing an episode of “Fatima gul”,”zindgi gulzar hai” or “greys anatomy”.
But you will, see me walking around, questioning myself if I
should greet a senior or not.. would it be taken as a sign of respect?? Or a
buttery approach to score some brownie points?
You will find me stern faced staring into oblivion, though
nodding that I am fine, while staring into cold blurry eyes of self
recognition… trying to choose , mind over matter? Brain or heart? Gastric
butterflies or a period of sanity? Tears or smile? Fake or real? Veiled or
bare? Sensibility or reckless plunges?
Murdering countless flowers, plucking petal after petal, in
hopes of reaching a conclusion, though has a charming appeal to it, but alas,
no worthwhile result can be integrated in this manner. Neither with flowers,
nor with surging torrents of thoughts… neither with nuggets of sagacity nor
with instincts of an impulsive being.
Because there are times and things which leave you bewildered
and beguiled, Unable to decide, which path to opt and which choice to adopt.
And this is when we seek refuge from ourselves … away from
our own self-tormenting opinions and views… Some run for the consolations from
a loved one, their mothers, their friends.. Some seek answers to those never
ending questions; in prayers… some drown themselves in hectic routine in an
attempt to tune out all the unwanted scenarios arising in their minds… Some
numb it out, act like its not happening in the first place.
But whatever you do… you always forget the important part…
Standing up. Facing the music. Having some faith. Knowing,
believing that all what happens is for the best… You will not be tested beyond
your bounds… and when tested, you will also be bestowed upon with strength to
handle... You can never be too weak… It can never be too far… those are not the
rules of game… so you decide! In or out? play or hit the gate? Carry on or
quit? Fight or flight?
You seize the moment... you capture it!
If you are going to be a player, then aim to win and winners
don’t give up. Winners don’t always take home the trophy, they don’t always get
the paparazzi and they don’t always get the glory. But what they do get is satisfaction of trying,
forever relief from agony of “what-ifs”
and eternal joy that in struggle whether victorious or not, they were victorious in themselves…
after all, self content is all one needs to fill that void deep inside…
6 comments
EPIC ONE
ReplyDeleteI like it sooooo much :'(
ReplyDeleteAnd i can relate it to as usual ....
Brutally honest and cruelly truthful ....
(Y)
why do I feel like it is my story?
ReplyDeleteI like it soooo much :'(
ReplyDeleteAnd can relate to it as usual.
Brutally honest and cruelly truthful. (Y)
Anosha, the ease with which u state the burden that hundreds of hearts carry around with them, it's as grand as it's uncanny. Simply fantastic.
ReplyDeleteAwesome!!
ReplyDeleteLoved how you put everything with such honesty.
Brownie points, haha! :D
Self satisfaction filling the void. Only if self satisfaction was more centred upon "self" than the crowd.
Job well done.